Flowers Don't Bloom without a Little Rain
Hello!
November has just begun, which officially means the Christmas season is here and that I will be singing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” every day for the next two months (with the exception of pausing for Thanksgiving). It’s hard to believe another year has passed by, and yet again I’ve seen how unpredictable life can be.
Lately, I’ve become even more aware of my emotions; I can only assume this is a result of the uncertainty I’m facing in so many areas of my life. Regarding the positive feelings, I’ve found myself living in the moment more and trying to soak in the experiences that make me feel alive while trying to be around people who make me feel alive. But then there are also days where it feels like I’m drowning, and my tipping point happens as I read my friend’s blog post with Adele blasting in the background. A bit dramatic, but hey, that’s life. Being a senior and facing the reality that I’m having certain experiences for the last time doesn’t exactly make it better. It’s also hard to accept that I have current relationships that will likely run their course by the end of this year. I’m not ready to let go yet, but how long can we hold on?
And yes, I know change is necessary for growth, but I still dread when it actually happens. Because honestly, growth is so painful – there’s a reason not everyone is able to go through it. It’s not as easy as being productive in the morning, it’s not as easy as cleaning your room, and it’s not as easy as going to the gym. Personally speaking, I know I’m no longer the same version of myself that I was three years ago or even three months ago; it’s crazy how sometimes it feels like so much has changed while other times it feels like everything is the same. While it does get hard at times, and I miss the consistency and predictability of the way things used to be, nothing is more painful than being stuck somewhere you don’t belong. Wow, life is a lot to handle at times.
More importantly, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year is that it is a blessing to have high standards and value yourself enough to accept what you deserve.
Once you acknowledge that you deserve more respect, love, and appreciation from the people you allow to enter your life, your perception of yourself and other peoples’ treatment of you transforms more than you could imagine. When you exit situations that don’t serve you well, even when it’s extremely difficult, you put yourself first and prove to yourself that you are more important (sometimes it’s okay to be selfish). It takes a lot of courage to reevaluate the changes you need to make to be a better version of yourself, and I’m proud of anyone who takes that step.
With love,
Haya Ahmed
